thankful

this year has been a whirlwind, and december always brings my heart to a happy pitter.

i have learned about people this year,

and that we are alike in more ways than we are different;

and that letting go is easier than holding on.

i’ve learned that i don’t need to respond to people who bring tension to my heart; because if there’s one thing i now understand it is that my heart knows what’s right before my brain understands.

i’ve learned that my emotions and my desires matter.

i matter.

i’ve learned that the people near you need to be held and loved, because words are just words and actions will always say more.

when in doubt hug it out. the people i love will not be around forever; and when i feel terminal end of a hug i hold on a few second longer.

those extended moments are refuge and hope, moments steeped in restoration.

nothing says  you matter more than not wanting to let go; you take up space and i appreciate every centimeter and ounce of your vast self.

the experiences, hopes and the details of your life matter.

and what a beautiful thing it is

to understand

that in the end we have shared experiences and

we belong to one another.

 

AW

Welcome Back.

Backstory

I have not shown my love for this site in quite some time. This year has been filled with arrant changes: I finished my first year of teaching (yay!), I’ve settled into my own home (adulting points), and I’ve begun to use time management strategies to find success in planning (including regular gym time!), and I started hiking on a regular basis. I finished my teaching credentials, and am currently researching my Masters thesis.

I’ve marked this year with progress. I dislike bragging (basically I’m physically uncomfortable typing this out) but I am proud, and maybe these accomplishments will help you understand where I’m coming from when I say: welcome back.

I’ve met several inspiring people this year, too. It’s been a year of personal and professional growth thanks to their intelligence, enthusiasm, and charisma. The attitudes are infectious. I’m fortunate to work with these good hearted people, who give 110% of themselves to the children they teach.

Inspiring.

Personally, I love learning. I can’t wait to take new classes, write papers, and research solutions to problems in my classroom and in my district. This year I have learned to define self professionally and personally, but I’m embracing my flaws. Even the ones I would rather not talk about.

But that’s how problems are solved, no? By identifying the injury and dousing it in alcohol? This particular flaw is one I’ve been battling with for years.

I begin projects, and fail to follow through. Actually, I’m really great at starting new projects. The ideas flow, I get some friends in on it. Relationships as well. But the downfall lies in the upkeep. The question I’ve been asking myself, and the question I ask you is this: What do I need to learn about love and life to have successful relationships and experience success in all areas of life (emotional, spiritual, physical)? 

This is the list I’ve come up with: 

  • allegiance and dedication
    • to people, ideas, and tasks you take under your belt. Schedule check-ins, when you think of someone, text them or call them. Let them know you care and they are appreciated.
  • contact and collaboration
    • in relationships (plutonic and romantic, work or pleasure), we learn the most when we speak with one another. “No man is an island” is a poem by John Donne which articulates this idea beautifully.
  • good communication skills
    • eye contact, input/output exchange, genuine interest in the other person.
  • truthfulness
    • with yourself and others. BE UNABASHEDLY TRUTHFUL. Truth strengths all relationships, and it’s by far my #1 indicator of authenticity in others.
  • be willing to look silly
    • Get those ideas out there. Make the funny faces and speak with the weird accents. Happiness is showcasing who you are, don’t hide your brilliance. Imagine how bright the world would be if people weren’t afraid to be themselves.
  • realize that every person you come into contact with wants the same thing: to be loved and accepted
    • This idea is not mine. The Dali Lama articulated this idea beautifully. Considering our baseline for happiness is contingent upon the same concept of kindness and humanity, it makes it easier to listen lovingly and deeply to others. We’re working toward a common goal after all. Helping each other is necessary.

Goals and creativity: 

Set goals high If you don’t reach them today, odds are you’ll be much closer to reaching them tomorrow. It takes time to build up any kind of muscle: physical, mental, emotional. Keep moving upward.

Support system: Surround yourself with people who love and support you. Tell them about your goals, but keep track of your progress on your own. Don’t work to show off, work to smash the shit out of those goals on your own. The people you surround yourself are on your side even if you fall behind. Never forget that.

Dedication to progress. Allegiance and devotion to your own idea. Good or bad. See it to fruition and magic will happen. I read the works of Emerson and Thoreau in my youth: long humid summers on my porch in Oklahoma.  Those guys lit a fire under my ass about individualism and creativity, and it’s been burning bright ever since.

When you fail (yes when, not if) try again and maybe fail again. Failure is an opportunity to build yourself up. Foundations are not the most exciting or flashy part of a building, but structural integrity is key to success, man.

I’m still a work in progress, and so are you: 

The most exciting moments in life are when we grow. And the most beautiful part of growing if that there are so many new things to learn and discover. We are never truly finished, and there is no such thing as a final product.

As a constant work in progress and I lover of all, I’m hoping to not let anyone else down; I’m here to write, express, and voice everyday ideas that I’ve come to realize are transcendent, or at least applicable to other aspects of my life. If they also vibe with you, please email me or message me here. I’d like to know what your think and what is challenging you at the moment: maybe we can work together to make some changes.

Change is inevitable and accountability is necessary: I’m welcoming myself back to the creativity of writing, learning, and failures that come long with those endeavors. Holding this self accountable. You’ll be hearing more from me soon.

Molto amore e apprezamento.

The Wayfarer

 

Creativity and Comparison.

Making things make me happy.

Like a lot of people, I am proud to build with my own hands and brand it with a unique and quirky mark: indicative to my personality.

When I get a new idea, either for a song or painting project, something takes hold of my spirit. I’m basically a child: engrossed and wide eyed. Coffee and music are my high. I’m in the zone.

Everyone experiences it when involved and engrossed in what they’re doing. So much so, that outside stimulants are of no consequence (it’s best to zone in your safe place, perhaps at home or with a friend whom can act as your unzon-ed DD).

It’s a sort of productive forgetfulness. It’s effective, but structure if important, too. Creative rampages are great (and necessary!) but we have to find a way to put it into perspective: asking key questions like, “Okay, now how do use this to help me reach a goal?” “What’s the next step?”.

Basically, these fits fuel more projects. They propel us forward to greater understanding of ourselves and the nature of people (if you’re a writer or artist you basically try to understand relationships, an almighty, or come to terms with your past and other people). Which brings me to my next point:

The zone in artistry is a non-comparive place. Do you know why? BECAUSE COMPARISON KILLS CREATIVITY.

I can’t count how many times I compared myself to others. It’s belittling to your creative genius to do it. But I did it daily: with my weight, schooling, and worst of all my creativity.

We have a need as humans to express our feelings. Individuals with low self esteem, and those who have been ridiculed about their ideas tend to fall to the wayside.  Never finding what makes them feel alive. Perhaps finding their zone in doing trivial things. I know because I spent years trying to make other people happy and relive moments of glory. Not even my own glory, but sparks and remnants forged by someone else. Feeling like I could never create anything that was worth reading, listening to, or even looking at.

It began with self-esteem. I guess it ends with self-esteem, too.

It wasn’t until I started to accept myself that I let my mind move creatively.

There was life before, and then there’s life after. The pivotal moment was during high school; with reminders of memento mori and the impending adult life looming ahead. It took years for me to love my body, my mind, and acknowledge my right to make art.

Life is messy. Art is messy. Being human is messy.

Our membership to the human race is a limited edition package deal: riddled with flaws, heartbreak, and the freedom to create something that makes you proud and expresses what you believe. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks about what you’ve created; you are brave and you did the thing. How else will you find a voice if you do not speak about what’s your mind?

That was my thinking anyway, and I haven’t looked back.

Speak your truth.

Tell your story.

Shout it from he rooftops. Listen to other rooftop stories. They’re building their voice same as you.

Learn. Speak. Plan. Embrace the zone.

~musicalwayfarer